You know the shape my breath will take before I let it out...

29 APR 2004 - 10.03p
What a lovely day! The weather could not have been any more perfect. After an eventful morning of shopping for horse supplies at huge tack store sale, I turned Newt out and let him graze a bit. I had the most incredible revelation: Newt ran out of joint supplement about ten days ago. I was holding off on buying more until the big sale today. I'm seriously wondering if his lack of joint supplement could be causing him to move like shit. He's been getting it nonstop for two years and I know when I started him on it, the stuff made a big difference. We'll see if he looks any better now that I have some again. Fingers crossed!!

After Newt was finished, I brought the trailer home to practice loading Lucy. She has been very, very difficult to get on the trailer the whole two times she's traveled. We made amazing progress today. It was a very exhausting session, but I am so pleased to report that she finally willingly put all four feet on the trailer and stood there for several minutes, munching on hay. More work on that tomorrow!!

When I came inside when we were done playing on the trailer, there was a message from an ad agency wanting to set up an interview. Hopefully the place isn't shady or anything... the wanted ad was a little shady, but we'll see. Unfortunately it was too late to call them back so I will do that in the morning. I'm just so happy to hear back from someone.

I feel so much better having had a good day. Maybe this is a sign that things are looking up or something.

28 APR 2004 - 7.40a
I wanted to write more about my weekend past but now that it's already Wednesday, I don't know if that's going to happen. I'll just say that I had a lovely time with Lacey. Paul H made me so angry insisting Billy Brown talks about "spending time" in Buffalo 66. Grrr. No. I have seen that movie more than I have seen any other movie and I love it more than anything... "SPANNING time." But Paul refused to concede so I resorted to violence.

Lacey, Becky and I went the the Lodi Outlet mall on Monday. I bought an umbrella and Simon Cowell's book (it was only $6!!). We had a nice lunch and then Becky stopped over for a bit to see all of the animals. Grandpa LOOOOVED her. I kept trying to get Becky to take him back to Columbus with her, but she wouldn't.

Oh, in addition to being dramatic, I am also depressed. I'm sure by even mentioning this in my blog, that makes me that much more dramatic and depressed. David and Lacey both did a great job reassuring me that I am definitely not a clinical depressive or anything remotely of the sort. When things make me sad, I get sad... but then if something happy happens, I'm happy again. Right now there is just a lot of stress and a lot of garbage in my life... I need to make some adjustments.

Speaking of which, I got a haircut yesterday that I am less than thrilled with. If you tell someone to cut 2 inches off, and they only cut maybe 3/4 of an inch off, it doesn't hardly even look like a haircut. I could go on and on about this, but it's my own fault for not stopping her or saying something when it was all over. I just would've felt like too much of an ass. I have to find somewhere new to go... I don't know why this is so difficult. I've had one really good haircut and the rest of them have been average (or sucked, depending on my mood). Oh well. I'll just wait another month and then try somewhere else, I guess.

Something funny is going on with Newt. Another thing to be dramatic and depressed about. He looks sore or stiff or something, which is unusual for him. Most likely this is going to be something I need the vet out for. I'm going to have my friend Nancy look at him first so she can see what she thinks. She's worked for a lot of good vets and looks at lame horses all day... so having a set of experienced eyes on him before I make the phone call won't hurt. Not that my eyes are inexperienced... I just don't have the diagnostic capability that she does.

Yeah, and the whole gbv thing doesn't even make me sad.

25 APR 2004 - 6.47p
I do have a lot of things to talk about... but this is all I want to say for now... it's been a great time and I'm looking forward to the rest of the year.

My first thought was that it must be an April Fool's joke. But it's a little late for that.

23 APR 2004 - 8.41a
It's springtime. My animals all know that spring is finally here... I'm going to have to give Henry Snodgrass and my darling Lucy a little lecture on the birds and the bees.

Henry likes to hump. The last few weeks he's been into jumping on Lucy and Grandpa Eli like he is going to hump them. I think for the most part he's kept his junk in his pants, so to speak... but he just seems to enjoy sexually harassing Lucy and Grandpa. Just the thought of Henry being a humper is hilarious because 1) mules are sterile and 2) he is gelded...

Yesterday, for the first time since being here, Lucy came into heat. It's springtime. She's a mare. It was bound to happen. The heat is something that Henry can't deal with... he has turned into a full-fledged humping machine and he is NOT leaving his junk in his pants. Yesterday, the two of them were so bad that my mom eventually had to lock Lucy in her stall.

The really funny thing about the Henry/Lucy humping is that Henry is about 1/4 the size of Lucy. I'm not kidding. She weighs about a thousand pounds... he weighs about 250. He is teeny tiny compared to her, and even if he weren't sterile and gelded already, I'd be shocked if REAL humping could actually take place... although he was shoving Lucy into a position in a low spot on the hill, as he stood on a high spot. This was when my mother had to break it up. She couldn't stand to watch.

Lucy might be spending today in her stall. Henry can go back to humping Grandpa because that seems a lot more funny and a lot less naughty.

Hmmm. A lot going on, I guess. Went to see Tobin Sprout the other night. Ran into the lovely Miss Courtney there (not to be confused with Courtney the Whore). Got into a fight with Tony. But then Toby played "Little Whirl" and I was a little bit happy, maybe.

The next day my Pixies fever returned upon receiving my Pixies care package from David. The contents included a Pixies hoodie, a sticker/pin package, cigarettes, an assortment of Canadian chocolate bars, a letter, AND two of the Pixies shows (Minneapolis and Saskatoon) on cd. David is currently off somewhere for the weekend to see the Pixies. I'm patiently waiting for November. Sigh.

Not sure what's going on tonight... but tomorrow night I'm getting drunk with Lacey. Hopefully it won't be so bad that she'll be required to pet my head and sing Sebadoh lyrics to me... but I'd like to be almost to that point.

In other news, I am dramatic. I'm questioning everything I say and do, wondering if it is me being me, or me being dramatic. I'm sure just by putting this in my blog, I am being dramatic.

20 APR 2004 - 9.57a
I decided I don't hate everything. I love Kim Deal.

20 APR 2004 - 7.45a
It's been such a long time. I'm bad at blogging... or I'm just turning into David, although he's been better about blogging lately than I've been.

Many thanks to Tony for "surprising" me with the new Modest Mouse. I'm enjoying it and I'm big time in love with track 10. I'm also in love with video for "float on"... it's a bittersweet kind of love, though. I'm so sad for the sheep by the end... but the sheep are so fucking cute.

Tonight is Tobin Sprout at the Beachland. I'm excited about that.

My Pixies fever is dying down somewhat... I'm sure it's only temporary.

Oh well. I hate everything.

13 APR 2004 - 7.36a
HAPPY BELATED 12th BIRTHDAY, NEWT!
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY, BOBBY KITTY.
HAPPY PIXIES DAY, DAVID!

yes. today is pixies day. it makes me sad. david has promised that he will get me a present. david isn't feeling very well, so let's all keep our fingers crossed that he becomes healthy and feels better.

so... we're keeping all of the little animals. henry snodgrass is going nowhere (much to my mother's dismay) and neither is the new donkey (who now has the official name of "grandpa eli smokey lungbutter"). the new guy arrived in very rough condition and i think he looks better already. his nose isn't dripping green snot and although he still has a cough, it could potentially be from the tracheotomy a previous owner tried to perform on him.

my sympathies go out to weird al. i hope his parents rest in peace. how sad.

more later. just going to run out to feed. i have a ton of stuff to write about, including my fabulous weekend.

07 APR 2004 - 9.52a
thanks to david for helping me steal the new modest mouse album. i'm finally burning it right now. actually i'm not because my cd creating program just shut itself down.

i need a new computer.

nothing new to report. still depressed and whiny and unemployed. i'm tired of baseball (already) and i had the best late night chat with lacey last night. i want to get so drunk with her that we're both puking on the sidewalk. i don't even remember what we talked about last night.

the pixies announced more dates. i don't even care anymore. i'm so sad about missing them this time around that i think i'll just miss them all together. i want to see them in minneapolis next week. i think i am going to burst.

maybe i'll reboot and try burning modest mouse again.

06 APR 2004 - 7.37a
i have been informed, thanks to lacey, that my birthday is destined to rot this year. the suicide girls burlesque show is rolling into cleveland once again on june 27. oh boy... i can't tell you how funny that is to me. as lacey said, "And I was worried we'd having nothing festive to do for your birthday! Aren't we lucky!?!?!?"

the new modest mouse comes out today. i'd buy it, but i can't right now. i'd download it for the time being, but whenever i download something off of soulseek, my computer just spontaneously reboots. help?

i have decided that an undergraduate degree is a complete fucking waste of time. seriously. for those of my friends still in school, drop out now unless you plan on going to grad school. i would have been better off without my degree. for instance, there are many, many jobs that won't hire people with degrees. these are usually entry-level positions in fields of my interest. other jobs that actually require degrees aren't particularly interested in me because i don't have relevant experience in the field because i am not able to get an entry-level position. i have sent out probably a hundred resumes since december. i've had maybe three phone calls for interviews - and those were not even places i sent my resume (they saw it online). my resume is good. my cover letters are professional. i am not an idiot, yet i still have nothing. it's depressing as fuck and i'm tired of it. i was better off before i graduated. i should have went to nursing school or something.

we still have both henry and the new donkey. don't ask. i'm not sure what's going on with either one of them. the new donkey wasn't looking so hot so we were going to take him back instead of henry... and maybe we still will do that. i have no idea. i'm tired of thinking about it.